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Beyond The LINE

Love…sin…expectations…monotony…ego…simply perturbed mind…?

Yes..any of these could be a factor of straying out of a “Oh so perfect!” relationship. Well, some recent encounters and observations and my inquisitive mind led me to think and hence pen down the ‘big bad thing’ of marital life, the Extramarital Affair.

Irrespective of what my age is, I have entered the real world only some time ago. And hailing from a typical middle class background, like every other occupant here, I was also instilled in with morality, values etc. in extra dosage. Therefore I was abstained from any kind conversations and discussions of the elders even till few days back. But now that I have already ventured into the world of the elders (though at times I doubt if I’m still a kid!!) I have started to make sense of many things around me that have been happening recently as well as those that took place earlier. It is like when I think over I realize that “Alright, the elders actually meant this by that line or word and like a fool I thought it to be something else.” So back to what I was discussing, extra marital affair! The first thought about writing on this came to my mind when one of my very close acquaintances was writing a short story on this subject. This lady Mrs. Neepa Gogoi Kalita is a housewife, a mother of three, a dancer and a writer. She is a lady of very flexible character. She can be friends with anyone from any age group and that is how we share a very close relationship. To me she is a friend, philosopher and guide. Recently she has been working on a short story with extramarital being the theme and casually we discussed about the story and I felt like taking up the subject for my next article. Now I being a single woman really wanted to know the mentality of married people (specially the ladies) towards those from their respective opposite sex. And leaving behind all inhibitions I actually spoke out my thoughts. And there on I got to know many people and many things about life of which I would have been otherwise ignorant all my life may be. Here I have tried to compile some of those experiences and realizations, thoughts and opinions that took place during the process.

On asking about attention from other sex apart from their spouse or fiancé or partner, some really great answers came to me. Ipshita Dutta, married since 5 years with a 3 years old kid and also working in the corporate sector, says, “Friendly flirting is a common thing in the workplace. And if I’m not wrong people enjoy. But of course there is a limit. Personally speaking I don’t mind. On the contrary I would be upset if a male colleague doesn’t notice me (laughs).” Not only Ipshita but 7 out of 10 people (both male and female) I spoke to seek attention quite consciously, while 2 of them unconsciously did so few times and the one left is completely out of all these. Ujjwal Marak says, “I love my wife very much. But most of the times I’m on official tours and when at home she’s busy in household responsibilities and children. Therefore she’s generally left with little time and energy for me. So I do find alternatives outside home.” Ujjwal Marak tied the knot 13 years back. He had a love marriage and he does love his wife as he says so. In Ipshita’s case it is a fun thing to spice up the boring working hours. But in Ujjwal’s case according to him is the failure of the circumstances to meet his requirements.

Some senior people say that these are the things more evident in today’s life and due to today’s lifestyle extramarital sort of things take place. In their words with the present generation there are no emotions left to stop oneself from infidelity. But Mrs. Kalita says that this not the case actually. She says that human beings are by nature polygamous. Whether we talk about yesteryears or the present time human beings always tend to fill the void in their relations through others which they can easily fill up through discussions and clear talks. But there is a tendency to find the missing outside home. But no doubt in today’s time we have an easy access to the world outside marriages and households which was absent in the past. Mrs. Kalita further adds that whether in the past or in the present or future void in relationships are inherent in many cases. People live with it in distress, seek alternatives or simply ignore.

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